I should start this post by saying I don’t make new friends easily. I make good friends and I think I’m pretty good at keeping them, but I find it hard.
Lovely husband and I met at a thing in London. When we got talking (with no idea of what we would become to one another), it felt crazy that I was from one city in the Midlands, and he was from another, only 50 miles away. We practically lived next door to each other.
Then we started dating and suddenly felt the full 50 mile stretch of motorway last thing on a Sunday evening after each weekend together. We couldn’t wait to live in the same place.
And now obviously we do, and our small person with us.
His arrival has created some life changes, such as me leaving the job I wasn’t that attached to in the first place, and Lovely Husband deciding to train as a teacher, and on the whole I think these changes have been good, but they have meant that we have less money, which means less ability to travel to where our families are, or our friends.
These changes also come on the back of other less good changes, like losing my mum.
I’m saying all this because we’ve come to the conclusion recently that we’re both a little lonely, and we don’t exactly know why, or how to fix it.
Lovely Husband sees folk at work, and I made a few friends on maternity leave, but they’ve now gone back to work in the main, and it’s a lot harder to make new friends with a toddler, who is inevitably damaging themselves, another child, or someone’s property the minute you strike up a conversation with a friendly looking stranger.
I miss my mum dreadfully, but I think this is more than that. I don’t know if we are enough to keep us going. And I know there are couples who just up sticks to far flung corners of the country or the world, chasing dreams and jobs and all sorts, but I don’t think we’re those people. I think we need people to feel comfy.
I don’t know what the solution is, because if we move away from where we are to get closer to one family, we move further away from the other, which sucks, and if we move further away from both we’re worse off, but if we stay here, we stay lonely, unless we magically manage to make new friends.
So if you’re planning your ideal life, should that be a consideration? Should you factor loneliness avoidance into it? Or if we had more money, would the distances seem smaller?
Because we are trying, to plan our ideal life. Isn’t everyone? Mine has more sleep in it, and more writing.